In 2019, when we were faced with the decision to no longer continue a very-wanted pregnancy, we had never felt more alone. We had heard of miscarriage and stillbirth, but we had never heard of termination for medical reasons (TFMR). We didn’t even know what the term TFMR stood for.

Our daughter Violet was born on 19 July 2019, after we made the heartbreaking decision to take on our first role as her parents and end her pain and suffering.

Over the next few years, we discovered that there were lots of people like us who had been faced with the same heartbreak, and there are resources to support us.

In early 2023, when we found ourselves in the same situation again with our son, Remy - the result of two, unrelated medical conditions - we were once again heartbroken but far more prepared.

Whether it was emotional support, help with practical decisions or ideas for celebrating our son’s life, we didn’t have to search the internet for resources, at a time when we needed all our energy to welcome our son.

Many people who have experienced TFMR don’t talk about it openly, as it can come with an added layer of stigma - but we want to change that. Research from Safer Care Victoria suggests that termination for a fetal anomaly is twice as common as stillbirth and neonatal death (death before 28 days) combined. However, it is still very much the taboo within the taboo of the pregnancy loss community.

In collaboration with Emily and Nick, the creators of A Little Help from Jack, we have created A Little Help from Remy - a one-stop resource for parents experiencing TFMR, which will save you endlessly scrolling.

Some of it may resonate with you, some may not. Every experience is uniquely your own, but we hope this companion can provide some comfort, connection and support, now and into the future. Mostly, we hope it helps you know you are not alone.

Sending all our love to you and your beautiful baby or babies.

Meagan & Chris